Posts Tagged ‘robot

23
Jul
09

Obama not born here! Actually, sent from the future to save humanity.

Shockwaves erupted today when the world learned of where the 44th president is really from, the future.  Sent from the year 2115 to protect the U.S. and prevent the rise of terminator robots that will ultimately destroy all of humanity.

Obama, as shown here destroy a helicopter with nunchucks while jumping a shark on a skateboard, is fully capable to handle the job.

Obama, as shown here destroying a helicopter with nunchucks while jumping a shark on a skateboard, is fully capable to handle the job.

“I know the people of the United States have a lot on their plates right now, the economic crisis has been putting a strain on families all over the country.  For the country to move forward we are shutting down these terminator manufacturing facilities. Their would be no outcry over loss of these jobs, if only for one day the American people could see the fiery futuristic hellscape I’m from, on the flip side cars fly and thats pretty cool.”  The President is quoted as saying.

"Without the revenue that humanoid killing machines bring into this town is just going to fall apart."

"Without the revenue that humanoid killing machines bring into this town, it's just going to fall apart."

The workers who lost their  jobs don’t feel the same way.  “He just comes in here and is all I’m from the future futuristic hellscapes and what not.  I got a family to feed. ” says Skip McGee “I’m the fourth generation terminator plant worker, I though my kids would be plant workers.  Without the revenue that humanoid killing machines bring into this town, it’s just going to fall apart.”-

15
Jul
09

New Smart cars fuel efficent, but need to be uglier.

On certain rare occasions a car company can produce a model that many people find unattractive and yet, somehow, it ends up trying to find a large market for an even uglier car.

Sorry car makers, there is not an attractive enough girl to make this thing sexy.

Sorry smart car makers, there is no person attractive enough to make this thing sexy.

For some reason, it just does’t work, it’s still somehow regarded as a hideous death trap. Oddly, those who own them do love them, but have been given even uglier cars.

"What was that? It sounded like a weed whacker starting up. Oh, my bad, it was your smart car."

"What was that? It sounded like a weed whacker starting up. Oh, my bad, it was your smart car."

“What people want  is a very small, very ugly, four cylinder vehicle, that’s just how it is.” Market researchers say.

08
Jul
09

Moonwalker robot powered by Michael Jackson’s brain.

Following his memorial, and as part of Michael Jackson’s last wishes, the robot from Moonwalker contains and is guided by Michael Jackson’s brain.

Better, stronger, blacker.

Better, stronger, shinier.

“Nobody thought this was a good idea, but you could never convince Michael.” The Rev. Al Sharpton is quoted as saying.  “On the flip side I got this cool ring that summons him from behind the ferris wheel.” He’s also quoted as saying.

Only slightly less scary then the real thing.

Only slightly less scary then the real thing.

Now Michael Jackson can continue to entertain the world, only now as a 50 foot tall robot that transforms into a spaceship, a tour is scheduled for August.

29
Jun
09

Time Machine Successful! Keys locked inside.

A dream of mankind since the conception of science, time travel, has had it’s first successful test today.  The Time Machine traveled 17 minutes into the past, exciting enthusiasts and scientists alike, until the test pilot locked and shut the door with the keys inside.

1980 Toyota Corolla: If you're going to time travel, do it in style.

1980 Toyota Corolla: If you're going to time travel, do it in style.

Scientists suggested they travel back to before the door was locked, until realizing the time machine is locked with the keys inside the time machine.

Makes time travel possible, when you don't lock the keys in the car.

Makes time travel possible, when you don't lock the keys in the car.

28
Jun
09

Adamantium claw surgery successful in lab rats.

You asked for it and Doomsday Industries made it happen, adamantium claws have been successfully applied to a rat skeleton.

Chosen as a test subject for his mysterious back story.

Chosen as a test subject because of his mysterious past.

Next week human trails begin.

28
Jun
09

FDA approves pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.

After over 2 years of lobbying the FDA finally approves the drug Bitcherol, a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends. Another win for Doomsday Industries.

Donna thinks we're kidding.

Donna thinks we're kidding.

27
Jun
09

Giant ass-kicking robot, finally a reality.

Thanks to the innovation of Doomsday Industries, the day of the giant kickboxing robot has finally arrived.

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Harnesses the power of roundhouse kicks.

I know many were opposed to the idea at first, understandably. We may be depending on a giant man crushing robot that could possibly be turned against us for safety .

Thankfully, everybody finally agreed that a giant kickboxing robot could be useful against a 10 story tall prehistoric animal that may or may not know kung-fu, not to mention how awesome it would be to pilot, especially for somebody who does not kickbox.

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Better safe than sorry.

First test is set to launch July 20th, pending more roundhouse kick tests.

Updates to follow.