Posts Tagged ‘no

10
Jul
09

Hellraised: Your own working Lament Configuration!

Thanks to the research of our Clive Barker Division, Doomsday Industries is proud to announce our own working Lament Configuration puzzle box as seen in the movie Hellraiser.

s1hellraiserbox

In beta testing now, mass production of the famous puzzle box is expected to begin early in the Fall. What makes this box different from the one cluttering the shelves of every Goth kid and Spencer’s Gift Store in America?

“It really fucking works”, exclaimed one researcher, from within what could only be described as some sort of a cocoon/douche constructed of razor wire. While he did not decline further comment, what little he said that made sense is not reprintable here sans a few “Holy shits” and a handful of “Dear God in heaven what hath we rot”.

s1hellraiserhat

Dr. Saunders is optimistic about the project, quoted as saying “Everybody is going to want one of these. It’s the freakin’ puzzle box from Hellraiser! It works! This really is a win for s & m and science.”

When questioned about the cost of the project The Doctor gestured menacingly, “Beware for which you speak! The gateway to hell lies within MY hands!”

The company expects a full return on their investment at least financially.

According to the Doctor “Their has been theĀ  loss of four lives earlier in the project, and not to mention that everyone in that wing has nails in their eyes, and they shit from their mouths a little. We realize this comes at a great cost, but on the other hand it is also totally wicked awesome.”-

Advertisements
28
Jun
09

Adamantium claw surgery successful in lab rats.

You asked for it and Doomsday Industries made it happen, adamantium claws have been successfully applied to a rat skeleton.

Chosen as a test subject for his mysterious back story.

Chosen as a test subject because of his mysterious past.

Next week human trails begin.

28
Jun
09

FDA approves pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.

After over 2 years of lobbying the FDA finally approves the drug Bitcherol, a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends. Another win for Doomsday Industries.

Donna thinks we're kidding.

Donna thinks we're kidding.

27
Jun
09

Back to drawing “borg” for family friendly cyborg zombie.

In an unsuccessful attempt to rid zombies of their hunger for living flesh, the Undead Division of Doomsday Inc., has had most of their team eaten.

Actual event not tis wacky.

Actual event not nearly this wacky.

The team believed that hardwiring a special microchip to a zombies brain, as well as giving it chainsaw hands and laser eyes, may suppress the flesh eating impulse, sadly they were wrong.

The zombie has since been reprogrammed to be a lumberjack, with laser eyes.

The Next Step

The Next Step