Posts Tagged ‘health


War on Cancer Won! Thanks to tiny monkeys.

Researchers at UF & Shand’s Hospital in Jacksonville, in association with Doomsday Indutries, have developed may what well prove to be the Mother Of All Bombs in the fight against cancer. Renown for their pioneering work with the LINAC Scalpel as well as Proton Therapy, the hospital is synonymous with cutting-edge medical technology.

Chief Dude In Lab Coat, knows his shit.

Dude In Lab Coat, this guy looks legit.

“We believe we have won the war on cancer. The disease is now as curable as the common cold, or syphilis. By combining what we already know about the disease with what we know about miniaturization, and monkeys, we have created tiny karate trained monkeys to combat cancer within the body. This is no less than the Ultimate Weapon in the fight against not only cancer, but we hope, STDs and terrorists as well.” A Dude in a lab coat is quoted as saying.

What do monkeys and that Rick Moranis movie have to do with a North Florida hospital?According to the DVD-ROM included with the press pack North Florida has been teaching monkeys karate anyway, might as well shrink them and put them to work.

Actual footage from the DVD included with the press pack.

Actual footage from the DVD included with the press pack.