Posts Tagged ‘face stabbing


Hellraised: Your own working Lament Configuration!

Thanks to the research of our Clive Barker Division, Doomsday Industries is proud to announce our own working Lament Configuration puzzle box as seen in the movie Hellraiser.


In beta testing now, mass production of the famous puzzle box is expected to begin early in the Fall. What makes this box different from the one cluttering the shelves of every Goth kid and Spencer’s Gift Store in America?

“It really fucking works”, exclaimed one researcher, from within what could only be described as some sort of a cocoon/douche constructed of razor wire. While he did not decline further comment, what little he said that made sense is not reprintable here sans a few “Holy shits” and a handful of “Dear God in heaven what hath we rot”.


Dr. Saunders is optimistic about the project, quoted as saying “Everybody is going to want one of these. It’s the freakin’ puzzle box from Hellraiser! It works! This really is a win for s & m and science.”

When questioned about the cost of the project The Doctor gestured menacingly, “Beware for which you speak! The gateway to hell lies within MY hands!”

The company expects a full return on their investment at least financially.

According to the Doctor “Their has been the  loss of four lives earlier in the project, and not to mention that everyone in that wing has nails in their eyes, and they shit from their mouths a little. We realize this comes at a great cost, but on the other hand it is also totally wicked awesome.”-


Face stabbing proven to reduce stress.

In an effort to help people relax, Doomsday Industries has researched the most effective way to manage stress. Simply face stabbing.

For years you’ve known it was true. You come home after a tough day, sat in your comfortable chair, and maybe turned on the television or read a book when really you wanted to be  stabbing an annoying co-worker in the face.

Stabbing someone in the face can reduce stress as shown in this computer simulation.

Stabbing someone in the face can reduce stress as shown in this computer simulation.

Studies have also shown this technique is not effective for the person being face stabbed